


I long to live (the day I die)

by Salomeia



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Dissociation, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 02:53:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3633975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salomeia/pseuds/Salomeia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Winter Soldier has a mission and that mission is to kill Captain America.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I long to live (the day I die)

**Author's Note:**

> I know this has been written a million times, but I couldn't help myself.
> 
>  
> 
> [My tumblr!](http://salomeia.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  
> 
> The title from Lit de Parade by Army of Lovers.

Winter Soldier sees Captain America before Captain America sees him. He could kill him. The Captain wouldn’t even have time to realize what’s happening before it was all over. He’d be gone. Laying there on the ground, like his orders dictated.

It makes the Soldier’s head hurt.

He lowers his gun.

His chest hurts.

He should turn around and leave if he can’t complete his misson once again, but he can’t. He stays there and watches the Captain sitting in a park bench.

The Soldier knows the Captain has been looking for him.

He should take him out.

He should go to him and surrender.

He should follow his orders.

He points his gun again.

He lowers it.

Why’s the Captain sitting there? Not moving. Not doing anything. Doesn’t he realize he’s in danger?

The thought makes Soldier furious. 

Doesn’t he realize anyone could target him? Kill him.

No. Unacceptable.

He decides to move.

He steps in front of the Captain. The Soldier’s angry. Does he have a death wish? Doesn’t he realize he’s a target?

The Captain doesn’t react. He raises his eyes to Soldier’s, but doesn’t say anything.

The Soldier stares at him. 

“You’re in danger.” He finally says. He feels cold.

“From who?” The Captain asks, voice steady.

The Soldier doesn’t answer that. “You have to hide, you can’t stay here out in the open.”

“Why not?”

It makes Soldier want to grit his teeth. “Go,” he says instead.

“No.” The Captain says and slumps against the back of the bench. “I’m staying here.”

“NO.” The Soldier considers bashing the Captain’s head in. “You have to move.”

The Captain scratches the side of his nose like he has all the time in the world. “And why should I do that?”

The Soldier does not show feelings. The Soldier does not have feelings. The Soldier does what he’s told. He follows his orders.

He tries to repeat that to himself, but. “You are in danger.” He says instead, definitely feeling something.

“From who?” The Captain replies.

The Soldier hurts all over, but he answers. “Me.”

The Captain’s quiet for a moment and then seems to sit straighter. “You came to warn me though, so I can’t be in danger from you?”

“ _Da_ ,” The Soldier says desperately. Doesn’t the Captain understand anything? He has his orders. He didn’t follow them earlier. He has to follow them now.

He has to.

He can’t.

He doesn’t even realize he’s holding his gun.

“Please.” He begs.

“Bucky,” the Captain says gently. “Come with me.”

The Soldier flinches and shakes his head. He has to follow his orders. But he can’t. His hand is shaking.

He raises the gun.

Steve.

He points it at himself.

“No!” The Captain shouts. “Bucky. Soldier. Don’t.”

“I have my orders,” he says.

“To kill yourself?!”

“You, but I can’t.”

“So the choice is to kill yourself?”

The Soldier wants the Captain to understand, but he doesn’t know how to explain that the best way to protect the Captain is to kill the biggest threat. Himself.

“Yes,” he just says. His finger presses the trigger a little bit harder, his eyes roaming the Captain face. It’s good, he thinks, to get to see him one last time this close. See the blue of his eyes and the bow of his lips. The Soldier has missed him so much. So much. Maybe he can be at peace now.

Now, he decides, as Steve half rises up, probably thinking he can get to him in time, but the Soldier’s as fast as he is.

Now, he thinks and presses down, but a millisecond before the bullet would launch from the chamber of his gun he feels a prick of something in the back of his neck. He sways for a moment before he goes down falling on his face.

He feels somebody turn him over and a stream of _bucky, bucky, bucky_ coming from someone, no, from Steve as darkness falls over him. The last thing he feels is Steve’s arms around himself. It makes him smile.


End file.
